Picture of Me
Why I Chose this Project
Hey! My name is Ethan Beckstead. I am 23 years old and a Junior studying Data Science at BYU. I love to play basketball, go hiking, run, and play chess as well. I served a mission in Chile and I've decided to make this website about what I've learned about dating
I decided to choose this project because dating is something I really have wanted to get better at. My Freshman year of college, I asked many people on dates (about once a week). I struggled though to find someone I was interested in and was interested in me. The number of dates I went on my sophmore year of college was less and by the time this semester began it had been a long time since I had gone on a date.
For my Project I decided to think of the questions that I had about dating specifically and look for some answers in a variety of ways. I went on dates, I asked advice from friends/family, I went to several sources both scholarly and churchwise, and I considered these questions in prayer seeking answers through personal revelation.
I considered questions other people I talked to had as well in my research. I then went through and put all the important stuff I've learned on this website. This has been a great learning experience and I've seen the impact as I pushed myself to go on more dates and try new things throughout this semester.
My Original, Personal Questions
Note: These questions are specifically mine so in that if you have similar ones, your answer may differ as we are different people in different situations. I these specific answers to myself.
How do I know whether a girl is "interested enough" to ask her on a date?
Well, the truth is that the way you can truly find out if a girl really is interested is by asking her on a date. If you sit in fear wondering when you see some signs, but just can't tell then nothing will ever come of it. By asking her out, you can actually get to know her and both of you can find out if you are interested in each other. It's totally fine, if it turns out she's not interested after the date or if she declines the date to begin with. In some situations, you really can't know until you ask.
Now of course, just asking out random people out on dates off the bat will likely not lead to success. So before, asking her on the date, talk to her and get to know her a little bit first. It's just a more natural way to do things. Rather than just approaching a girl and asking her out, talk to her a little bit first and get to know her. If she seems to enjoy talking with you and you enjoy talking with her, then asking her out is an excellent idea.
What types of first dates are the best to go on?
I have found that going on first dates where you just grab food together tend to always be awkward and feel like more of an interview than a date. Group dates where you are doing some sort of activity together (hiking, game night, pickleball, bowling, etc.) tend to be less awkward.
The purpose of the first date should be to see if you can have fun with the person that you are on as opposed to trying to get to know everything about them. So maybe save the intense questions for later when you are starting to see if you actually want a relationship with that person. When a first date feels like an interview, it definitely never is good and will likely result in neither person truly acting like themselves.
Just worry about being yourself and see if you are having a good time. Being able to talk with each other about everything is important, but that will likely not happen on the first date as you are just getting to know each other. Dates where you grab food, or hike alone together I think are better as second/third dates.
What are the questions that I should ask on a date?
I asked my platonic female friends the questions that I should ask on dates and here were their answers:
- What are your best and worst memories with siblings?
- What is your best and worst family vacation and why?
- What did you dream of being as a child for your career? And what are you actually now choosing to do?
- If you could go back and change any decision you've made in your life which one would it be and why?
- How do you like to spend your time when you have 30 minutes of free time? An hour? A day?
- What do each of your friendships look like with your closest friends and how do they differ?
- What are your hot takes?
I had the opportunity to ask these questions on dates and they were all great questions to ask!
How should I apporach kissing?
I have definitely approach kissing casually in the past. My first 2 kisses were as a part of a dare. I also have tended to make out with people way too soon (generally second) dates before I really got to know them. And I realized afterwards on the next date that maybe I wasn't actually interested in them in that way.
After really doing a lot of thought, talking with girls I know, and really considering what the purpose of dating is, I have determined that this type of casual behavior of kissing is probably in the long run harmful. When I have engaged in these types of behaviors in the past it has really harmed the way I think about women. As I am focusing on the kissing/physical part, as opposed to wanting to get to know them.
Kissing is something that should be saved for when you are actually interested in having a relationship with that person. I am not saying this to judge those who don't feel that way. I just feel this is probably the best course of action for me if I am trying to date from an eternal perspective. It has been quite some time since I have kissed someone, but I have a goal that the next time I kiss someone it will be with someone I will be having a committed relationship with which means that I will have to wait for maybe the 5th or 6th date instead. I feel this will give me clarity and help me in my dating life as I search for someone to be my eternal companion
I experience Same-Sex Attraction, though I am more attracted to those of the opposite sex and I like to identify as straight. How should I apporach the feelings I do have when I am attracted to men?
This question has been really difficult for me and as it is a personal one, As I am just myself I cannot answer this question for others who have different experiences with SSA, but this answer is for myself.
I know that I want to one day be married to a woman as what my desires are. As this is the case, as well as the fact that we can only progress eternally with someone of the opposite sex, it is important I am careful in the way I approach my feelings of attraction towards men.
Kissing, Dating, NCMOing, etc. with said individuals are things that will not lead me towards my goals of having an eternal companion/family. I should avoid this type of behavior with men just as I should avoid doing things with women who I know are not the type of people I seek to be with for the rest of my life. Though NCMOing is a great temptation for me, I know by refraining from it, I will be more happy and will reach the goals I have.